Duck Duck Cougar?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize