i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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