I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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