what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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