she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize