if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
