I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
