i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
