i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
