In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
