The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
