just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
