i think my tv is drunk
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
wow bdsm is so cute
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
