You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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