I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
