"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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