Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
