Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
