I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
