super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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