i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
