We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
