Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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