i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
