Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
