Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
