getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize