ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
