Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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