Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I enjoy the company of your penis
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