When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
