he wants to bone in the snuggie
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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