Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
