I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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