this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
