For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
