I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
