she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
