Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
