Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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