Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
