people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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