she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize