I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you never un-have a 4some
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
