when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
