god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We had sex on a dog bed..
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
