who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
