And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
