I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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