apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
