I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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