I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
