Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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