Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
