thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
