Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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