Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
