So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
