we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
