he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
be right there i have to get my cape
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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