some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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