There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
