ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
