I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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