How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
