did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize