Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
