worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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