So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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