My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
