Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
