Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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