I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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